Cherish the historical charm of our local inn, which Mayor Loftis will prove is safe by spending a night there alone.

It's time for the annual beach opening. Lay out a towel as the mayor "tests the waters." Unrelated: Do not pick up hitchhikers.

Make sure you pack a good read for the beach! (We do not recommend self-help books on the island.)

We apologize for the curfew. Please remain calm as we determine what's happening. On a separate note, keep your teenagers inside after dark.